Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
