No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
