If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
