6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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