too bad you live with your parents still
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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