I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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