is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish you could order shots online.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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