You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
