Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
