I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
