I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
