Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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