puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
