i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
