in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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