I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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