i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So much rum. So many feels.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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