omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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