i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
