Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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