Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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