actually, I'm a sock model
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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