I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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