I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
