its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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