Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
