We need to rekindle our bromance
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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