I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
