I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
