I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
