just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
