I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
