no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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