i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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