Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
