he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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