fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
