I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize