so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
