I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
