Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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