What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
