i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know her cup size but not her name....
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
