There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
