I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
