i just had sex bonerless
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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