I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
