i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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