Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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