Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
