ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
