There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
