Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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