he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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