I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
