Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
