The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize