You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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