Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
