Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
