she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
