i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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