how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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