my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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