I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just high enough for therapy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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