A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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