just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize