Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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