Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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