Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so explain again why im purple
no
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
