im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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