there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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