oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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