a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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