hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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