A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
