be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
