i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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