I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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