LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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