Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
