I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
