Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
