Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I CAN MOONWALK!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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