They should really pass out barf bags in church
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize