I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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