Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
