Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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