How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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