arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
