trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
