we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize