So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
