i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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