Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
