So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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