I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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