2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
we're so committed to being not committed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
