I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
