I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize