Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
