yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
