i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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