I just cut my nipple shaving
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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