i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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