So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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