u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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