I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
