he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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