instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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