just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
