I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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