i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
